Every day I get a lot of spam e-mails, most of which offer me Viagra. However, there are a small percentage of cryptic messages that tantalize me. I don’t have the nerve to click on the links – I’m too scared of downloading a virus and wrecking my precioussssssss (laptop, that is). Instead, I try to figure out what they’re telling me based on the subject line.
This is the current batch I’ve been pondering for the last week or so:
Re: Sale 70% OFF on Pfizer
The economy is so bad that large pharmaceutical companies are now selling themselves to the first buyer on the Interwebs.
Re: Think of your age once more. You can change it.
Brought to you by the Amazing Kreskin and Tony Robbins – they'll guess your age and make you think your way younger!
Re: Disgusting Hoffman's act
Not a family friendly show – and not nearly as popular as the above.
Re: support your darling couch adventures
Slap some wings on that sectional, and it sounds like the basis for the next Hayao Miyazaki film. Just putting it out there, Mr. M.
Re: Your little friend down there is too young to retire.
A joint advertisement for Viagra and Monster.com.
Re: Passengers: Your Captain Has Screwed Up
Have I mentioned my fear of flying? This is one announcement I never want to hear.
Re: Keeping Up With the Kremplers
I saw this sitcom. It featured Sandy Duncan…
Re: Become independent from the circumstances that influence your vigor?
I believe this is a direct translation from a Russian novel I read last year. Next sentence, “I, Boris, am strong like bull. Here, drink vodka!”
Re: It's Talkfication Time
As someone who was voted the "Most Talkative Female" in her senior high school class yearbook, I would like to know more about Talkfication Time.
Re: Yammer to Keep it Together
Like “Talkfication Time,” this interests me greatly.
Re: Forgive me and answer.
You can’t make me forgive you, so forget about demanding an answer.
Re: I need you to answer!
No apology this time? It didn’t work yesterday, and it’s not going to work now.
Re: Your device is so tiny she barely finds it in bed?
Clearly, this is a private conversation between two men, one of whom has told the other about a sexual problem he and his girlfriend have been having. I just think it's a shame that his friend responded with his question in the subject line. Why not couch something so delicate in gentler terms, like "RE: Device Location Assistance"?
Re: You should be ashamed!
I am. Trust me on this one.