Sláinte!

I have been home from Florida for two days now, and I have had to face a harsh reality: I am not tan.

I am a fair-skinned, blue-eyed brunette with my fair share (probably your fair share too) of freckles. I have a theory that if I spent long enough in the sun, my freckles would grow and merge, and I would have a nice tan. As someone with a bachelor’s degree in English and French, I know this theory is scientifically sound, but I have not tested it yet.

This is because I burn easily and have a mild sun allergy that pops up every spring. I wear a sunscreen that is SPF 70. I have a hat that has SPF protection too. I am one step away from living in an SPF 400 plastic bubble.

I asked a co-worker yesterday if he liked my Floridian tan. He said, “Our people don’t really tan.” So I said, “That’s true, but I don’t think we share the same people.”

He responded, “You’re not Irish?”

I knew that was what he meant.

My name is vaguely Irish-sounding, and my features just scream, “Top of the morning to ya!”

However, my family is from Eastern Europe – Russia, Austria, Poland, the Ukraine – and blue eyes, red hair, freckles and fair skin are very common traits there.

When I started working for my current boss, he used to test me on the bible all the time. As an English major I had read many biblical stories, so I was able to answer many of his questions. One day, I mentioned that I wanted to schedule a trip to Florida in April. He told me he didn’t want me out of the office then because it was a Jewish holiday and he planned to be out. I explained that I wanted to celebrate that holiday with my family too. (This was only somewhat true, because I’m not actually religious.)

He was like, “But you’re Irish Catholic!”

I had to explain that no, I’m actually Jewish. Which led him to ask, “So why did you think I was testing your bible knowledge?” I told him I simply thought he was a big fan of the bible.

So now instead of bible quizzes, he’s trying hard to convince me to start practicing Judaism.

I wish he still thought I was Irish Catholic.